Footprints

When people ask me how many kids I have, I tell them 2. I have a 14 yr. old boy and 12 yr. old girl. This wasn’t always my answer. 17 yrs. ago I was towards the end of a normal, healthy pregnancy. Something very wrong, but fluky happened and my son was stillborn. For a long time, I think up until my daughter was about 3 yrs. old, I would answer the question of how many kids do you have always saying either 1 or 2 here with me and 1 in heaven. I loved being able to acknowledge having 3 kids. But, it took some time for me to realize my answer was making people feel uncomfortable and feel bad for asking. I never meant for anyone to feel sorry for me. I was a proud mom of 3. I wanted people to know I have 3 kids. I felt as though I wasn’t acknowledging Joey when I answered only 2. It took time, but I knew in my heart I had and will always have 3 kids. I guess this is an example of me being a stronger person now than what I was 17 yrs. ago.

Losing a child is not something you ever get over. It’s not even something you learn to deal with. It’s something you learn how to live with and how to keep living your life. Below is a poem that a friend gave me in high school. Little did I know then how meaningful this would become.